For me, 2016 was a year of revealing, exposing and being vulnerable. God exposed some things in my heart that were not becoming to Him; which hindered and caused my walk and progress to be stagnated. You see, I had been hurt and wounded, in the church, by someone I totally respected and loved and I didn’t realize how deep that wound went. I had noticed that I wasn’t allowing myself to get close to people or letting them get close to me for fear of being hurt again. Anybody that knows me knows that I’m always smiling but that became my cloaking shield, my guard, my wall; which had a sign on it that said “hi and that’s all you’re getting from me and I’m looking at you but not seeing or listening because I can’t allow you in.” Not only was I holding other people at bay, I was holding the Holy Spirit at bay, as well. That very wall that I built kept out the only One that could heal me and restore me (imagine that). That wound festered and spread and I became bitter, angry, critical and judgmental, towards the church and people. I was walking around in that state, for over a year, and I didn’t realize it until the Holy Spirit revealed it to me. When He exposed that thing, through a simple conversation with my sister, I was stuck on stun! I had prayed God don’t let me become a bitter and angry woman (from a previous hurtful act against me) and there I was in that very thing. Because I didn’t act or look like, what I thought a bitter person looked like or acted like, I had no clue that I was that person. I had to repent of my sins, for my actions, my behavior, my attitude and my negative words and also for negatively influencing someone’s decision because of my words. I had to give the Lord permission to go in and clean and heal that infected wound that ultimately seeped over to other areas of my life. I knew God had call me back to the church and why, but I couldn’t figure out why He wasn’t permitting me to work in different ministries or why things weren’t happening like He said. And with Him exposing my heart, He also stated that He couldn’t allow me to minister, teach or even help because I would be toxic to the people I was supposed to be helping. That’s the last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt somebody intentionally or unintentionally but that would have been inevitable. My heart is to serve God and His people, but I couldn’t do either one effectively until I was healed.
With the closing of one year and an opening of a new, the Lord had to close one chapter, one season of my life so that I may fully enter into the next. Allow the Holy Spirit to reveal things that are hindering you, don’t spend 2017 in the same state that you were previously in. Not all the hindrances will be bad things; it could be things that you just have to leave behind because they just don’t fit in the next season of your life. Be transparent before Him and then listen to what He has to say and then be obedient in what He’s telling you. What a way to start the year, healed and free; besides it is your portion! Be healed, free and blessed! Happy New Year and new you! God Bless, Tracy Prayer: Father God, thank You for blessing us to see another year. Father we don’t want to enter this year just like the previous; so we’re giving You permission to reveal anything in our hearts and lives that would hinder us from moving forward in You. We want to walk and flow in the fullness of who You created us to be and that can only happen as we yield ourselves You. Thank You Lord, in Jesus’ Name, amen. Ephesians 4:31-32 AMPC: Let all bitterness and indignation and wrath (passion, rage, bad temper) and resentment (anger, animosity) and quarreling (brawling, clamor, contention) and slander (evil-speaking, abusive or blasphemous language) be banished from you, with all malice (spite, ill will, or baseness of any kind).32 And become useful and helpful and kind to one another tenderhearted (compassionate, understanding, loving-hearted), forgiving one another [readily and freely], as God in Christ forgave you. Hebrews 12:15 AMPC: Exercise foresight and be on the watch to look [after one another], to see that no one falls back from and fails to secure God’s grace (His unmerited favor and spiritual blessing), in order that no root of resentment (rancor, bitterness, or hatred) shoots forth and causes trouble and bitter torment, and the many become contaminated and defiled by it. Psalms 139:23-24 NLT: Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.
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